It’s Your Loss’ purpose is to help make the grief process as optimal possible by attempting to reduce or
remove the challenges that tend to impede it. We believe two of the most frequent hurdles are 1) a lack
of clarity about end-of-life wishes, both in fact and in intent; and 2) relationship discord that may occur
as the result of end-of-life family transitions, due to both practical and emotional issues.
Our services, therefore, are focused on helping to clearly communicate the following:
Advance Care Dialogue and Documentation
- Documentation and explanation of specific, detailed wishes (to family members, powers of attorney, etc.) in the event you are unable to made your own medical decisions.
Memorial Wish Documentation
- Documentation and explanation of specific, detailed body disposition/memorial service wishes (to family members).
Relationship Focused Will/Trust Review
- Review of a will/trust to assess potential psychological/emotional issues that may surface for heirs, trustees, powers of attorney, etc.
Will/Trust Distribution Communication
- Dissemination of those will and trust conditions that are specific to your estate, including the
intentions behind your decisions, to those impacted by the decisions (beneficiaries, powers of attorney, etc.) Information shared does not include revelation of specific dollar amounts. Any actual Will or Trust documents are prepared by your estate lawyer.
Counseling
- Family counseling
- Grief counseling
Asset Distribution
- Leading/mediation of the physical asset distribution process
Advance Care Dialogue and Documentation
Estate-planning efforts usually focus on the creation of a will or trust and, in the case of the latter, a health care power of attorney is typically identified. A very limited set of high-level health care “instructions” may be included. But if you think about the various circumstances which may surround your being unable to make your own health care decisions, is a set of three checkboxes really enough to empower your health care agent and your family to make the right choices for you?
Since no single document can consider every eventuality, talking through your Advance Care Directive responses with your appointed medical decision maker, as well as your loved ones, is the opportunity to further elaborate on and clarify what you (and they) would want done in various scenarios.
Let It’s Your Loss assist in your estate-planning efforts by reviewing, documenting and disseminating the specific and personal details of your advance health care wishes.
Why Is This Important?
If you’ve done any level of estate planning (e.g., a will or trust), you have demonstrated your intent to make your end-of-life wishes known, presumably not only so you can ensure they are carried out as you desire, but also to relieve the planning and decision-making burden on your family.
Asset bequeathal is usually the main subject addressed, and it is easy to forget to consider other important pieces of both post- and pre-death planning. As a result, your loved ones are put in the position of having to make difficult decisions under significant duress, trying to ensure they’re doing what you would want while potentially battling their own values and rationale. Clarifying your choices regarding as many of these other death-related activities as possible is the ultimate gift of compassion.
Memorial Wish Documentation
Most of us have given at least a passing thought as to what we would want our funeral to look like, often after attending one for someone else. Maybe we’ve even briefly discussed it with our spouse or children. But casual conversation on the topic is a long way from making sure your loved ones know what your specific expectations are and what steps they should take when the time comes.
Sure, you can write it all down yourself and share the details in your own way.
But have you?
Let It’s Your Loss assist in your estate-planning efforts by reviewing, documenting and disseminating the specific and personal details of your remains interment plan and your memorial service approach.
Why Is This Important?
If you’ve done any level of estate planning (e.g., a will or trust), you have demonstrated your intent to make your end-of-life wishes known, presumably not only so you can ensure they are carried out as you desire, but also to relieve the planning and decision-making burden on your family.
Asset bequeathal is usually the main subject addressed, and it is easy to forget to consider other important pieces of post-death planning. As a result, your loved ones are put in the position of having to make A LOT of decisions quickly and under significant duress, all while trying to ensure they’re doing what you would have wanted, what they feel they need, etc. Clarifying your choices regarding as many of these other death-related activities as possible is the ultimate gift of compassion.
Relationship Focused Will/Trust Review
More Details Coming Soon
Will/Trust Distribution Communication
Most people complete their will and trust and then put the resulting binder on a shelf in their home. If they are “super-communicators,” they tell their kids/Successor Trustees in which room the binder resides. They may even provide the appropriate individuals with a copy. Rarely does a discussion take place about the contents of these documents. If it does, that conversation focuses on the relaying of factual information and almost never includes an explanation as to how certain decisions were reached. Feedback from any of the impacted parties is neither solicited nor encouraged.
Think about your own experience with estate-related distribution and management issues, perhaps after the loss of your parents. Recall stories that may have been shared by friends. How much of what comes to mind are examples of a smooth, successful transition, even when a will or trust existed? There may have been some confusion or disagreement surrounding practical issues, but it’s more likely the family experienced a considerable amount of emotional turmoil as the process unfolded. If the deceased were able to witness how things turned out, would they have been happy where all the time and effort they put into their estate planning led?
What if there was someone -- a professionally-trained, licensed and/or certified someone, experienced in navigating difficult conversations and helping others express themselves productively -- who could assist in initiating and managing a conversation about your distribution decisions with your loved ones? Someone skilled at active listening, group dynamics and conflict resolution. What if communication lines were opened, misunderstandings clarified and intent explained, all before there is a loss to contend with? While you were still here to set expectations, observe family reactions and potentially make changes to your plans as the result of unexpected responses?
This is our Hallmark service. Let It’s Your Loss assist in your estate-planning efforts by reviewing, summarizing and helping communicate the detail and intent of your will/trust decisions, and encouraging and managing the feedback of those who are impacted.
Why Is This Important?
You have demonstrated your intent to make your end-of-life wishes known. You have given careful consideration to the “whats,” the “wheres” and the “hows.” But do you know the single biggest question your heirs will have? The one that threatens to derail their sense of emotional security and their ongoing relationships with each other? The one that potentially inserts anger, resentment and jealousy into the grieving process and causes it to become more complicated and longer-lasting than necessary? It is “WHY?”
When we do not know the “why” of any situation, we have no choice but to make assumptions based on our own worldviews and belief systems. These assumptions may be the total opposite of what was intended by the originator. Misunderstandings that could have been easily addressed when decisions were made wind up creating lifelong psychological wounds, especially when one of the parties is no longer there to shed light on their purpose and reasoning.
Creating a will or trust is not the end of the estate planning effort – it’s the beginning. Your will/trust distribution decisions will be the final messages your heirs receive from you. Make sure there is no doubt as to what you really want them to know.
Counseling
Grief Counseling
Grief work is different from all other forms of therapy.
Why?
Because you’re not trying to fix anything. There isn’t anything to fix, or at least what you’d most like to fix (the loss of your loved one) is impossible.
Because it isn’t a function of how much you try. No matter how hard you work in and out of the therapy room, grief will take its own time to abate.
Because there’s no avoiding it. Most therapists who specialize in grief will tell you that their primary role is to sit in the pain with you, walk through the pain with you, talk through the pain with you and bear witness to your grief for as long as you need. Far longer than your friends and family may have the desire or capacity to tolerate. And far longer than you’d like.
Let It’s Your Loss assist in your estate-planning efforts by setting aside time for pre-death (anticipatory) grief counseling for you or your loved ones as well as post-death grief counseling for those you leave behind.
Why Is This Important?
Grief is a lonely business. Nobody truly understands your grief, even if they’ve experienced a similar type of loss. No one can tell you what it should look like, how it should feel, or when it should be over. It can be a very isolating experience, and that feeling of aloneness can exacerbate existing levels of depression, anxiety or other mental health concerns. The inability to integrate your grief and begin to move forward with your life can lead to a new and growing diagnosis in the mental health field – Prolonged Grief Disorder.
There are also a lot of false beliefs about the grieving process. Among them: 1) that it is linear and should get progressively easier over time; 2) that the worst of it should be over in a year; and 3) that your life will eventually return to “normal.” These messages, whether spoken or implied, add unintended stress to an already devastating situation. You’ve had to endure the loss of a very important being (yes, pets count!) in your life, and now other people are telling you you’re not doing it right?
Getting education about how grief may manifest as well as making a special space and time to focus on processing grief is the ultimate gift of compassion, whether for yourself or your loved ones.
Family Counseling
There are two primary reasons people avoid discussing their will or trust distribution details with the impacted parties: 1) a desire to keep the full extent of their assets private; and/or 2) a fear that conflict may arise when their decisions are revealed. The latter may be brought about by a variety of concerns, including who is named as Successor Trustee, perceived unequal or unexpected distributions, or the fact that the family has difficulty effectively discussing any important topic. Who wants to spend their final years estranged from loved ones who didn’t like what they heard?
We’d love to tell you this doesn’t happen, but the fact is, if the It’s Your Loss Family Meeting that occurs as part of our Will/Trust Distribution Communication Service was effective, feedback was expressed, and potential conflict did arise. What’s different in our methodology is not the assumption that these conflicts can be totally prevented – they are going to happen. What’s different about our approach is the timing. Having issues revealed while you, as head(s) of household, are still able to hear them, address them and potentially resolve them increases the likelihood that future interactions will go more smoothly between your loved ones and estate managers, not only after you die, but also in the hopefully many years that precede that occurrence.
Let It’s Your Loss assist in your estate-planning efforts by constructing a path to positive and productive family communication and teaching relationship problem resolution skills that will last a lifetime.
Why Is This Important?
Family disputes that come up during the estate administration process are often not really new. They can actually be existing, long-term clashes playing out under the duress of grief. Death forces a family to have to work together. If there is unrecognized or unresolved conflict, disaster can ensue.
As a partner or parent, it is likely your past actions and reactions were central to the development of your family’s specific communication style. After you die, you have lost the opportunity to effect change and clarify any misunderstandings brought about by this system. The most effective work takes place with you fully participating in preparing your family to smoothly and successfully execute your wishes, before the pressure of grief exacerbates existing frustrations and fears.
Most families assume their relationship dynamic can never be changed. We know it can be.\
Asset Distribution
More Details Coming Soon